人大附中高三月考作文讲评.ppt
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10月6日月考作文讲评,情景作文(2010届东城一模),假设你是李华,光明中学的学生。国庆期间你参加了社区居委会组织的社区服务活动。请你按照图片顺序,以“CommunityService”为题,向学校英文校刊投稿,介绍这次活动情况。注意:1文章开头已为你写好2词数不少于603参考词汇:sportsfacilities体育设施,国庆快乐,审题,一、审文字文体:记叙文结构:第一段:背景已给第二段:叙述完整的活动过程第三段:抒发感受、感想等时态:叙事:一般过去时感想:一般现在时人称:I/we标题:CommunityService提示词:sportsfacilities,特别提醒1、12分以下:少感受,结构不完整叙事段时态错误(一般现在时)少必要细节。如图1:孤寡老人、打扫卫生应具体到一项图4:横幅“国庆快乐”等2、分黑色签字笔扣5分3、没有自然分段扣2分4、字数不够或超出指定范围视情况而定扣分,Sample:CommunityServiceDuringthewintervacation,thestudentsinourclassjoinedinameaningfulactivityinwhichallofusdidourbitforthecommunity.Firstwewenttovisitanoldladywholivedallalone.Whilewewereinherhome,oneofuschattedwithherandtheresthelpeddoathoroughcleaning.Weswepttheflooranddustedthetable.Whentheworkwasdone,thehouselookedreallyneatandtidythenwewenttothesportscenter,wheredifferentsportsfacilitiesneededpolishing.Wesetouttoworkatonce.Innotimeeverythingwasdust-free.Tomaketheenvironmentclean,wealsopickedupthelitteronthegrassandalongthepaths.TocelebratetheNationalDay,weputupdecorationsonthebillboardandaposterwiththecharactersHappyNationalDayonit.Havingdoneallthese,wesawamorepleasantcommunity.Tiredaswewere,wefelthappyasallofourworkpaidoff.,写作技巧(结构),自然分段叙事顺序:以时间为顺序:Onthefirstday,onthesecondday,onthethird/fourthday,Inthemorning,lateron,afterlunch,.,intheafternoon,以活动为顺序:First,then.,afterward,finallyTostartwith,then,.,intheend,写作技巧(图片),P1:注意:人物代表性:老奶奶-社区老人(无人照顾)学生-社区学生,包括I(不点名道姓)活动表达:onetherest/somewhileothersGirls.whileboyssuchascleaningthefloor,wipingthewindowsandsweepingthefloor.did,did,anddidNotonlydidweclean,butwealsochattedwiththeold.,写作技巧(图片),P2/3:用词准确健身中心:sportscenter/exercisecentertrainingcenter/thesquarewherepeopledoexercise清洁健身器材:clean/cleanup/clearup/giveathroughcleaning(wash不太准确)捡拾垃圾:pickupthelitter/garbage/trash/wastes/rubbish草地上:onthegrass/lawn,写作技巧(图片),P4:细节表达装扮:decorate/redecoratethecommunity挂“国庆快乐”横幅:putupabanner/poster/flagwithaslogan“HappyNationalDay”onit布置橱窗:renew/decoratethebulletinboardwithgreetings/DIYsigns/pictures/paintings,-难忘的经历;责任感增强,服务意识/社区意识增强;能力得到锻炼等)个人收获:-Afterawholedayofwork,mybodywaswashedout,butmyheartwasfilledwithsatisfaction.ItgavemeabigreliefthatIcoulddosomethingforourcity.-Thisunforgettablevolunteerworknotonlybringsmegreatprideandhappinessbutalsoinspiresmethathelpingothersiskindofthingsfullofenjoyment.,写作技巧(感受),活动启发:-Ourserviceisnotonlyforourcommunity,butalsoasmallgifttoourcountry.-Allforone;oneforall.Shouldwedevoteourselvestovolunteerworktomaketheworldabetterplaceforothersaswellasforusourselves?-Wewereallinhighspiritsthatday;wegainednotonlyenjoymentbutalsoamessagefromthecommunityservicethattheharmonyofourcommunityneedseveryoneseffort.,写作技巧(感受),lonely/alonetheold/seniorsdosomecleaning/sweeping/wipingtoonessurpriseheart-heartilyonthegrass/lawnattheend/bytheend/intheendonthefirstdayhang-hanged/hung-hanged/hungtake-tooktaken;throw-threw-throwncatch-caught-caught;last-last-lastlie-lay-lainsociety/nature/theenvironment/government,写作技巧(语言),Earlyinthemorning,wegatheredtogetherandvisitedtheoldpeopleshousestodothroughclean-ups.Someofuschattedwithgrannywhileotherssweptthetable,thefloorandthewindow.Thenwewentoutsidetocleanthesportsfacilitiesinourcommunityspark.Thoughtheworkwastough,wediditinhighspiritsaswecleanedupallthedirtonthefacilities.Intheafternoon,wewenttothelawnandpickedupallthelitterandgarbageonthegrass.Wepickedthemupinplasticbagsandthrewthemintothenearbygarbagecans.Asthedaycametoanend,weputupdecorationsonthebulletinboardandhungupbigposterswiththewish“HappyNationalDay”onthem.Iwasproudofmyselffortakingpartinthecommunityservice.Igainedmuchpleasurefromvolunteeringandhelpingothers.,高三1班王安艺CommunityServiceDuringtheNationalHolidays,.Onthefirstdayoftheholiday,Igatheredafewofmyclassmates,visitedanoldgrannywholivedaloneanddidathoroughcleaninginherhouse.Somecleanedthedoorsandtables;somesweptthefloor,whileImadeacupofhotteaandchattedwithherhappily.AndweplasteredabigposterwithaChinesecharacter“Fu”onthewall,wishingherawonderfulholiday.Onthenextday,wecleanedthewholesetofsportsfacilitiesinourcommunityandwewerecheerfultoseeitbecamebrandnew.Intheafternoon,wehadallthegarbagepickedupinthegarden.Oncecollectingintheplasticbag,wethrewthemintoadustbin.Finally,onthelastday,weredecoratedthewholecommunity,puttingupposterswith“HappyNationalDay”onthem,deliveringthebestwishestoallourneighbors.Exhaustedbutdelighted,Ispentsuchameaningfulholidaybydevotingmyselftothevoluntarywork.Ifoundittrulyworthwhileanddeterminedtodosointhecomingwinterholidays.,DuringtheNationalHolidays,.Inthemorning,wevisitedthehomeofanoldladytokeephercompany.Thegirlschattedwithhercheerfully,whiletheboyssweptthefloorandwipedthefurniture.Thenwegatheredattheexercisecenterandtookoutragsandbucketstogivethesportfacilitiesathoroughcleaning.Theworkwastiring,nodoubt,butalsosatisfyingoncewesawtheequipmentsshininglikebrand-newagain.Afteraquicklunch,wespreadouttopickupthelitterstrewnoverthelawns,rememberingtosortouttherecyclable,ofcourse!Finally,weputuppicturesandwrotedownholidaygreetingsonthenoticeboardastobrightenupthecommunity.WeevenmadealargebannerwishingeveryoneahappyNationalDay!Ithinkwealllearnedtogivebacktoourcommunityandhelpmakeitanicerplacetolivein.Ithascertainlybeenamemorableactivity.,高三理7班麦程恩CommunityServiceDuringtheNationalHolidays,Tostartwith,wedroppedinonanoldlady,wholivedalone,helpinghercleanupherhouse,aswellaschattingwithherinordertomakeherhappy.Afterthat,wedevotedourselvestocleaningthesportfacilitiesinthecommunity.Havingfinishedit,wenoticedthatsomerubbishspreadoutinthegardennearby,whichentirelyruinedthebeautyofthecommunity.Soweheadedtopickthemupwithouthesitation.Tomakethisactivitymoremeaningful,wecameupwithanideatodecoratethecommunity,puttingupabannerwith“HappyNationalDay”.Tiredaswewere,wewereallsatisfiedwithourjob.WhatasenseofaccomplishmentdidIgainfromthisactivity!,- 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