2011年金华英语中考作文选(6)

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1、21 Well graduate from junior high school soon. During these three years, friends are important in my school life. I have benefited a lot from them. That was a rainy day. I did badly in the exam. I was really sad. At that time, my best friend took me to the school garden. “Look at the flowers; they a

2、re still standing upright in the rain. And you shouldnt give up, either. I think you are the best!” she said to me. Then, she gave me a big smile. I felt so warm. From then on, I know that friendship is a cup of tea when Im thirsty; that friendship is a light when Im in dark; and that friendship is

3、the fire when Im cold. I can never forget the words that my friend said to me and the smile that she gave to me. For me, its an unforgettable experience.点评：内容充实，作者运用了优美的句型和高级表达，是文章语言丰富多彩；有效地使用了语句和段落之间的连接成分，使全文机构紧凑，层次清晰，过渡自然。尤其是作者引用了I know that friendship is a cup of tea when Im thirsty; that friends

4、hip is a light when Im in dark; and that friendship is the fire when Im cold.这样的并列句，使文章增色不少；最后一段既总结了上文，又凸显了主题，可谓一箭双雕。从而使文章的主题得到了升华。真不愧是一片上乘之作。22 Our life in middle school will come to an end soon. But I will never forget the time we are shared together. In fact, I was not good at English two years a

5、go. But my classmates tried their nest to help me improve my English. At the beginning I was so tired that I wanted to give up. But due to the help from my classmates, I was full of confidence again. They always encouraged me and helped work out some problems. And one year later, I had done much bet

6、ter than before. I think its so kind of my classmates to help me improve my English. And I will never forget the time we worked hard together. In brief, I will never forget my classmates and our nice memory. Everything they have done has left a deep impression on me.点评：紧扣主题，结构紧凑，层次清晰，过渡自然。真真切切地战线了作者

7、在同学们帮助下学习英语的画面，句型使用贴切自然，最后一句既总结了上文，又突出了主题。23 Last summer holiday, I spent two days off in traveling with my parents. We went to Luhetang by car. When we got there, I could hardly believe my eyes. In my sight, the whole world was green. There lay a green lake among a great number of mountains and the

8、 air was full of the smell of sweet flowers. I lost myself in its beauty. We climbed up to the top of the mountain and tried to go through the think forest. It became darker and darker and we became more and more anxious-how could we find a place where we could camp in the forest? I nearly cried and

9、 my father had to make me calm down. Fortunately, we found a hill and set up our tents immediately. And next morning, we went down with the songs of cute birds and clear stream. In total, this unforgettable experience will be in my heart shining like a star.点评：结构完整，统帅连贯，文章过渡自然，衔接紧凑。第一段交代了自己难忘的经历是发生在

10、跟父母两天旅游中；第二段优美地描述了作者所见的美景，作者用了a great number of，lose of myself等词组，可见作者的语言基本功扎实；第三段描写了作者眼看天色渐暗还没能找到宿营地的焦虑，如果能在搭好帐篷这句话的后面描述一下作者转忧为喜的心情，那就更好了；最后一段作者用一句总结句来强调这次难忘的经历，起到了点题的作用。语言错误修改：1、 next morning应改为the next morning；2、 in total应改为in a word或in short。24 Theres no doubt that everyone has an unforgettable

11、experience. So do I. my unforgettable experience happened in my school. One day, I failed in an important exam. I felt sad and lonely. Suddenly, my best friend Daming speared in front of me. He said to me, “Dont be sad. Dont you know an old saying Failure is the mother of success.?” “But I did so ba

12、dly this time.” “Dont worry. If you continue working hard, Im sure success will come to you one day.” After hearing that, I began to believe myself. With his help, I succeeded in the final exam. Now I am not afraid of failure. Its him who cheered me up. Its also him, who made me a success and learn

13、to treasure our friendship. This experience made me learn to work hard and treasure friendship. I will never forget this experience.点评：用词灵活、生动。写作手法上，事与情交融，情与事互应，紧紧扣住了读者的心弦，产生共鸣。用Theres no doubt that句型来开第一段，很好。作者在第二段把自己在考试中失利时的情景以及好朋友的鼓励和帮助下，最终在期末考试中获胜等自然地融合在一起。在感谢朋友的同时，作者更是体会到了努力和友谊的重要项目。语言错误修改：1、 believe改为believe in；2、 It was him应改为It was he