老友记第一季第三集剧本

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1、TheOneWiththeThumbScene:CentralPerk,everyonebutPhoebeisthere.Phoebe:(entering)Higuys!All:Hey,Pheebs!Hi!Ross:Hey.Oh,oh,howditgo?Phoebe:Um,notsogood.HewalkedmetothesubwayandsaidWeshoulddothisagain!All:Ohh.Ouch.Rachel:What?Hesaidweshoulddoitagain,thatsgood,right?Monica:Uh,no.LooselytranslatedWeshoulddo

2、thisagainmeansYouwillneverseemenaked.Rachel:Sincewhen?Joey:Sincealways.Itslikedatinglanguage.Yknow,likeItsnotyoumeansItisyou.datingChandler:OrYouresuchaniceguymeansImgonnabeleather-wearingalcoholicsandcomplainingaboutthemtoyou.Phoebe:Or,or,yknow,um,IthinkweshouldseeotherpeoplemeansHa,ha,Ialreadyam.R

3、achel:Andeverybodyknowsthis?Joey:Yeah.Cushionstheblow.(众所周知)Chandler:Yeah,itslikewhenyoureakid,andyourparentsputyourdogtosleep,andtheytellyouitwentofftoliveonsomefarm.Ross:Thatsfunny,that,no,because,uh,ourparentsactuallydid,uh,sendourdogofftoliveonafarm.Monica:Uh,Ross.Ross:What?Wh-hello?TheMillnersf

4、arminConnecticut?TheMillners,theycouldhadthisunbelievablefarm,theyhadhorses,and,andrabbitsthathechaseanditwas-itw-OhmyGod,ChiChi!OpeningCreditsScene:ChandlerandJoeys,ChandlerishelpingJoeyrehearseforapart.Chandler:Sohowdoesitfeelknowingyoureabouttodie?Joey:Warden,infiveminutesmypainwillbeover.Butyoul

5、lhavetolivewiththeknowledgethatyousentanhonestmantodie.Chandler:Hey,thatwasreallygood!Joey:Thanks!Letskeepgoing.Chandler:Okay.So.Whaddyawantfromme,Damone,huh?Joey:Ijustwannagobacktomycell.Causeinmycell,Icansmoke.Chandler:Smokeaway.(Joeytakesoutapackofcigarettesandalighter.Hefumblesanddropsthelighter

6、.Thenhelightsacigarett,takesadrag,andcoughs.)Chandler:IthinkthisisprobablywhyDamonesmokesinhiscellalone.Joey:What?Chandler:Relaxyourhand!(Joeyletshiswristgolimp.)Chandler:Notsomuch!Joey:Whoah!Chandler:Hey!Joey:Hey!Chandler:Alright,nowtrytakingapuff.(Joeytriesandvisiblywinces.)Chandler:Alright.okay.N

7、o.Giveittome.Joey:Nonono,Iamnotgivingyouacigarette.Chandler:Itsfine,itsfine.Look,doyouwannagetthispart,ornot?Here.(Joeyreluctantlygiveshimthecigarette.)Chandler:Dontthinkofitasacigarette.Thinkofitasthethingthatsbeenmissingfromyourhand.Whenyoureholdingit,youfeelright.Youfeelcomplete.Joey:Ymissit?Chan

8、dler:Nah,notsomuch.Alright,nowwesmoke.(Takesapuff.)Oh.my.God.(Hecontinuestosmoke.)Scene,CentralPerk,everyoneexceptPhoebeandRachelisthere.Monica:No,no,no.Theysayitsthesameasthedistancefromthetipofaguysthumbtothetipofhisindexfinger.(Theguysstretchouttheirfingers.)Joey:Thatsridiculous!Ross:CanIuse.eith

9、erthumb?Rachel:(carryingatrayofdrinks)Alright,donttellme,donttellme!(Startshandingthemout.)DecafcappucinoforJoey.Coffeeblack.Late.Andanicedtea.Imgettingprettygoodatthis!All:Yeah.Yeah,excellent.Rachel:(leavingtoserveothers)Goodforme!(ThegangswapsallthedrinksforwhattheyorderedasPhoebeenters.Shesitsdow

10、nwithoutsayinghi.)Joey:Yokay,Phoebe?Phoebe:Yeah-no-Imjust-its,Ihaventworked-Itsmybank.Monica:Whatdidtheydotoyou?Phoebe:Itsnothing,itsjust-Okay.Imgoingthroughmymail,andIopenuptheirmonthly,youknow,STATEMENT-Ross:Easy.Phoebe:-andtheresfivehundredextradollarsinmyaccount.Chandler:Oh,Satansminionsatworkag

11、ain.(撒旦的人又开始活动了)Phoebe:Yes,causenowIhavetogodownthere,anddealwiththem.Joey:Whatareyoutalkingabout?Keepit!Phoebe:Itsnotmine,Ididntearnit,ifIkeptit,itwouldbelikestealing.Rachel:Yeah,butifyouspentit,itwouldbelikeshopping!Phoebe:Okay.Okay,letssayIboughtareallygreatpairofshoes.DoyouknowwhatIdhear,witheve

12、rystepItook?Not-mine.Not-mine.Not-mine.AndevenifIwashappy,okay,and,andskipping-Not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine,not-not-mine.Monica:Werewithyou.Wegotit.(Chandlerleansoverthebackofthecouchoutofsight.)Phoebe:Okay.Id-just-Idneverbeabletoenjoyit.Itwouldbelikethisgiantkarmicdebt.Rachel:Chandler,wha

13、tareyoudoing?Monica:(pulinghimup)Hey.Whaddyadoing?(Chandlertriestoshrugnonchalantlybuteventuallyhehastoexhaleamouthfulofsmoke.)All:Oh!Oh,God!Ross:Whatisthis?!Chandler:Imsmoking.Imsmoking,Imsmoking.Phoebe:Oh,Icantbelieveyou!Youvebeensogood,forthreeyears!Chandler:Andthis-ismyreward!Ross:Holdonasecond,

14、alright?Justthinkaboutwhatyouwentthroughthelasttimeyouquit.Chandler:Okay,sothistimeIwontquit!All:Ohhh!Putitout!Chandler:Allright!Imputtingitout,Imputtingitout.(HedropsitinPhoebescoffee.)Phoebe:Oh,no!I-Icantdrinkthisnow!Monica:Alright.Imgonnagochange,Ivegotadate.Rachel:ThisAlanagain?Howsitgoin?Monica

15、:Sgoingprettygood,yknow?Itsnice,and,werehavingfun.Joey:Sowhendowegettomeettheguy?Monica:Letssee,todaysMonday.Never.All:Oh,comeon!Comeon!Monica:No.NotafterwhathappenedwithSteve.wasChandler:Whatareyoutalkingabout?WeloveSchhteve!Schhteveschhexy!.Sorry.Monica:Look,IdontevenknowhowIfeelabouthimyet.Justgi

16、vemeachancetofigurethatout.Rachel:Well,thencanwemeethim?Monica:Nope.Schhorry.Scene:Iridium,MonicaandPaulaareatwork.Monica:Imean,whyshouldIletthemmeethim?Imean,Ibringaguyhome,andwithinfiveminutestheyrealloverhim.Imean,theyrelike-coyotes,pickingofftheweakmembersoftheherd.Paula:Listen.Assomeonewhosseen

17、morethanherfairshareofbadbeef,Illtellyou:thatisnotsuchaterriblething.Imean,theyreyourfriends,theyrejustlookingoutafteryou.Monica:Iknow.Ijustwishthatonce,Idbringaguyhomethattheyactuallyliked.Paula:Well,youdorealisetheoddsofthathappeningarealittleslimmeriftheynevergettomeettheguy.Scene:MonicaandRachel

18、s,Chandlerissmokingoutonthebalcony,Phoebeisabsent.Joey:Letitgo,Ross.Ross:Yeah,well,youdidntknowChiChi.Monica:Doyouallpromise?All:Yeah!Wepromise!Wellbegood!Monica:(shoutstoChandler)Chandler?Doyoupromisetobegood?(ChandlermakesaCrossmyheartsign.Itstartstorainandhetapsonthewindow.)Joey:Youcancomein,buty

19、ourfilter-tippedlittlebuddyhastostayoutside!(Chandlersulkiltypicksupagarbagecanlidandusesitasanumbrella.)aletterWehaveforthe(Phoebeenters,walkstothecouch,sitsdown,andbeginstoreadwithoutsayinghi.)Ross:Hey,Pheebs.creditedyouraccountwithfivehundreddollars.Weresorryinconvenience,andhopeyoullacceptthis-(

20、Searchesinherpurse)-footballphoneasourfreegift.Doyoubelievethis?!NowIhaveathousanddollars,andafootballphone!Rachel:Whatbankisthis?(Theintercombuzzes.)Monica:Hey.Itshim.(Ontheintercom)Whoisit?Alan:(ontheintercom)ItsAlan.Joey:(shoutingtoChandler)Chandler!Heshere!(Chandlercomesin,drippingwet.)Monica:(t

21、oall)Okay,pleasebegood,please.Justrememberhowmuchyoualllikeme.(SheopensthedoorandAlanenters.)Monica:Hi.Alan,thisiseverybody.Everybody,thisisAlan.Alan:Hi.All:Hi,Alan.Alan:Iveheardschho(so)muchaboutallyouguyschh!(guys)(Everyonelaughs.)Timelapse,Alanisleaving.Monica:(toAlan)Thanks.Illcallyoutomorrow.(A

22、lanexits,toall)Okay.Okay,letslettheAlan-bashingbegin.Whosgonnatakethefirstshot,hmm?(Silence.)Monica:Cmon!Ross:.Illgo.Letsstartwiththewayhekeptpickingat-no,Imsorry,Icantdothis,cantdothis.Welovedhim.All:Lovedhim!Yeah!Hesgreat!Monica:Waitaminute!WeretalkingaboutsomeonethatImgoingoutwith?All:Yeah!.)Rach

23、el:Anddidyounotice.?(ShespreadsherthumbandindexfingerTheGuys:(reluctantly)Yeah.Joey:Knowwhatwasgreat?Thewayhissmilewaskindacrooked.Phoebe:Yes,yes!Likethemanintheshoe!Ross:.Whatshoe?Phoebe:Fromthenurseryrhyme.Therewasacrookedman,Whohadacrookedsmile,Wholivedinashoe,Fora.while.(Dubiouspause.)Ross:.SoIt

24、hinkAlanwillbecometheyardstickagainstwhichallfutureboyfriendswillbemeasured.Rachel:Whatfutureboyfriends?Nono,Ith-Ithinkthiscouldbe,yknow,it.Monica:Really!Chandler:Oh,yeah.IdmarryhimjustforhisDavidHasselhofimpressionalone.YouknowImgonnabedoingthatatparties,right?(Doestheimpression)Ross:YouknowwhatIli

25、kemostabouthim,though?All:What?Ross:Thewayhemakesmefeelaboutmyself.All:Yeah.CommercialBreakScene:CentralPerk,MonicaisaloneasRoss,Rachel,Chandler,andJoeyenterdejectedlyinsoftballgear.Monica:Hi.howwasthegame?Ross:Well.All:WEWON!Thankyou!Yes!Monica:Fantastic!Ihaveonequestion:Howisthatpossible?Joey:Alan

26、.cartoonRoss:Hewasunbelievable.Hewaslikethat-that-thatBugsBunnywhereBugsisplayingallthepositions,right,butinsteadofBugsitwasfirstbase-Alan,secondbase-Alan,thirdbase-.Rachel:Imean,it-itwaslike,itwaslikehemadeusintoateam.Chandler:Yep,wesureshowedthoseHassidicjewellersathingortwoaboutsoftball.Monica:Ca

27、nIaskyouguysaquestion?DyoueverthinkthatAlanismaybe.sometimes.Ross:What?Monica:.Idunno,alittletooAlan?Rachel:Well,no.Thatsimpossible.YoucanneverbetooAlan.Ross:Yeah,itshis,uh,innateAlan-nessthat-that-thatweadore.Chandler:IpersonallycouldhaveagallonofAlan.Scene:Astreet,Phoebewalksuptoahomelessperson（Li

28、zzie）sheknows.Phoebe:Hey,Lizzie.Lizzie:Hey,WeirdGirl.Phoebe:Ibroughtyoualphabetsoup.（我给你带来了字母花片汤）Lizzie:Didyoupickoutthevowels?（你把元音挑出来了吗？）Phoebe:Yes.ButIleftintheYs.Cause,yknow,sometimesy.Uh,Ialsohavesomethingelseforyou.（Shesearchesinherpurse.）Lizzie:Saltines?（咸饼干？）Phoebe:No,butwouldyoulikeathousan

29、ddollarsandafootballphone?Lizzie:What?(SheopenstheenvelopePhoebehasgivenher.)OhmyGod,theresreallymoneyinhere.Phoebe:Iknow.Lizzie:WeirdGirl,whatareyoudoing?Phoebe:No,Iwantyoutohaveit.Idontwantit.Lizzie:No,no,Iha-Ihavetogiveyousomething.Phoebe:Oh,thatsfine,no.Lizzie:Wouldyoulikemytin-foilhat?Phoebe:No

30、.Causeyouneedthat.No,itsokay,thanks.Lizzie:Please,letmedosomething.Phoebe:Okay,alright,youbuymeasoda,andthenwereeven.Okay?(好吧，你给我一瓶苏打水，这样我们就公平交易)Lizzie:Okay.Phoebe:Okay.Scene:Chandlersoffice,Chandlerlooksaround,openshisdeskdrawer,takesapuffofacigarette,spraysaroundsomeairfreshener,andtakessomebreath

31、spray.Hetypesforalittlewhile,opensthedraweragain,andtakesanotherdragofthecigarette.Whilenotpayingattention,hespraysthebreathsprayaroundtheroom,takesasquirtofairfreshenerandgags.Scene:AStreet,PhoebeandLizzieareatahotdogvendor.Lizzie:Keepthechange.(ToPhoebe)Sureyoudontwannapretzel?(你确定你不想要椒盐脆饼)Phoebe:

32、No,Imfine.Lizzie:(leaves)Seeya.(Phoebeopensthecanandreacts.)Phoebe:Huh!Scene:CentralPerk,Phoebeistellingeveryoneaboutherdiscovery.Ross:Athumb?!(Phoebenods.)All:Eww!Phoebe:Iknow!Iknow,Iopeneditupandthereitwas,justfloatinginthere,likethistinylittlehitch-hiker!Chandler:Well,maybeitsacontest,yknow?Like,

33、collectallfive?Phoebe:Does,um,anyonewannasee?All:Nooo!(Chandlerlightsacigarette.)All:Oh,hey,dontdothat!Cutitout!Rachel:Itsworsethanthethumb!Chandler:Hey,thisissounfair!Monica:Oh,whyisitunfair?constanteveryChandler:SoIhaveaflaw!(我心理不平衡)Bigdeal!LikeJoeysknuckle-crackingisntannoying?AndRoss,withhisover

34、-pronouncingsingleword?(每个字都过分认真的发音)AndMonica,withthatsnortwhenshelaughs?Imean,whatthehellisthatthing?.Iacceptallthoseflaws,whycantyouacceptmeforthis?(Anawkwardsilenceensues.)Joey:.Doestheknuckle-crackingbothereverybody?Rachel:Well,I-Icouldlivewithoutit.Joey:Well,isit,like,alittleannoying,orisitlike

35、whenPhoebechewsherhair?.)(PhoebespitsoutherhairRoss:Oh,now,dontlistentohim,Pheebs,Ithinkitsendearing.可爱)Joey:Oh,(ImitatingRoss)youdo,doyou?(Monicalaughsandsnorts.)Ross:Youknow,theresnothingwrongwithspeakingcorrectly.Rachel:Indeedthereisnt.Ishouldreallygetbacktowork.Phoebe:Yeah,causeotherwisesomeonem

36、ightgetwhattheyactuallyordered.Rachel:Ohh-ho-hooohhh.Thehaircomesout,andtheglovescomeon.吐出来了，开始攻击我了)(TheydegenerateintobickeringandChandlerhappilystartsundisturbed.)Scene:Iridium,MonicaandPaulaareworking.Monica:Didyouevergooutwithaguyyourfriendsallreallylike?Paula:No.Monica:Okay.Well,Imgoingoutwitha

37、guymyfriendsallreallylike.Paula:Waitwait.wetalkingaboutthecoyoteshere?Allright,acowgotthrough!Monica:Canyoubelieveit?.Yknowwhat?Ijustdontfeelthething.Imean,theyfeelthething,Idontfeelthething.Paula:Honey.youshouldalwaysfeelthething.Listen,ifthatshowyoufeelabouttheguy,Monica,dumphim!Monica:Iknow.itsgo

38、nnabereallyhard.Paula:Well,hesabigboy,hellgetoverit.Monica:No,hellbefine.ItstheotherfiveImworriedabout.我认为那很头发tosmoke,abouthisScene:CentalPerk,JoeyandRossarepersecutingChandlersmoking.Joey:Doyouhaveanyrespectforyourbody?Ross:Dontyourealisewhatyoure-youredoingtoyourself?Chandler:Hey,yknow,Ihavehaditw

39、ithyouguysandyourcancerandyouremphysemaandyourheartdisease.Thebottomlineis,smokingiscool,andyouknowit.Rachel:(holdingthephoneouttoChandler)Chandler?ItsAlan,hewantstospeaktoyou.Chandler:Really?Hedoes?(takingthephone)Hey,buddy,whatsup!Oh,shetoldyouaboutthat,huh.Well,yeah,Ihaveonenowandthen.Well,yeah,n

40、ow.Well,itsnotthatbig-.well,thatstrue,.Gee,yknow,no-one-no-oneseverputitlikethatbefore.Well,okay,thanks!(Hehandsthephonebackandstubsouthiscigarette.)Rachel:(toRoss,whohaswanderedup)God,hesgood.Ross:Ifonlyhewereawoman.Rachel:Yeah.(Theygiveeachotheradubiouslook.)Scene:MonicaandRachels,everyondexceptMo

41、nicaandJoeyiswatchingLambchop.Chandler:Ooh,Lambchop.Howoldisthatsock?IfIhadasockonmyhandforthirtyyearsitdbetalkingtoo.Ross:Okay.Ithinkitstimetochangesomebodysnicotinepatch.(Doesso.)Monica:(entering)Hey.WheresJoey?Chandler:Joeyatemylaststickofgum,soIkilledhim.Doyouthinkthatwaswrong?Rachel:Ithinkhesac

42、rossthehall.Monica:Thanks.(Goestofetchhim.)Ross:(finishingchangingChandlersnicotinepatch)Thereygo.Chandler:(deadpan)Ooh,Imalivewithpleasurenow.Ross:HeyPheebs,yougonnahavetherestofthatPop-Tart?.Pheebs?Phoebe:DoesanyonewanttherestofthisPop-Tart?Ross:Hey,Imight!thousandPhoebe:Sorry.Yknow,thosestupidsod

43、apeoplegavemesevendollarsforthethumb.All:Yourekidding.OhmyGod.Phoebe:Andonmywayoverhere,Isteppedingum.Whatisupwiththeuniverse?!Joey:(draggedinbyMonica,hehasjustgottenoutoftheshower)Whatsgoingon?Monica:Nothing.Ijustthinkitsnicewhenwereallheretogether.Joey:Evennicerwheneveryonegetstoweartheirunderwear

44、.Rachel:Uh,Joey.Joey:Oh,God!(Hurriedlycloseshislegs.)Monica:(turnsofftheTV)Okay.All:Oh!ThatwasLambchop!Monica:Please,guys,wehavetotalk.Phoebe:Wait,wait,Imgettingadejavu.no,Imnot.Monica:Alright,wehavetotalk.Phoebe:Thereitis!Monica:Okay.Its-itsaboutAlan.Theressomethingthatyoushouldknow.Imean,theresrea

45、llynoeasywaytosaythis.uh.IvedecidedtobreakupwithAlan.(我已经决定和Alan分手了)Ross:Istheresomebodyelse?Monica:No,nononono.itsjust.thingschange.Peoplechange.Rachel:Wedidntchange.Joey:Sothatsit?Itsover?Justlikethat?Phoebe:Youknow.youletyourguarddown,youstarttoreallycareaboutsomeone,andIjust-I-(startschewingherh

46、air)Monica:Look,I-IcouldgoonpretendingJoey:Okay!Monica:-butthatwouldntbefairtome,itwouldntbefairtoAlan-Itwouldntbefairtoyou!Ross:Who-whowantsfair?Yknow,Ijustwantthingsback.Yknow,thewaytheywere.Monica:Imsorry.Chandler:(sarcastic)Oh,shessorry!Ifeelbetter!Rachel:(tearful)Ijustcantbelievethis!Imean,with

47、theholidayscomingup-Iwantedhimtomeetmyfamily-Monica:Illmeetsomoneelse.TherellbeotherAlans.All:Oh,yeah!Right!Monica:Areyouguysgonnabeokay?Ross:Heyhey,wellbefine.Werejustgonnaneedalittletime.Monica:(dubious)Iunderstand.Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaisbreakingthenewstoAlan.Alan:Wow.Monica:Im,Imreallysorry.我得

48、告诉eatingiceAlan:Yeah,Imsorrytoo.But,Igottatellyou,Iamalittlerelieved.你，我感到放松了点)Monica:Relieved?Alan:Yeah,well,Ihadagreattimewithyou.Ijustcantstandyourfriends.ClosingCreditsScene:MonicaandRachels,everyoneismoppingaroundandcream.Rachel:RememberwhenwewenttoCentralParkandrentedboats?.Thatwasfun.Ross:Yea

49、h.Hecouldrowlikeaviking.Monica:(entering)Hi.All:Mmm.Ross:Sohowditgo?Monica:Oh,yknow.Phoebe:Didhementionus?Monica:Hesaidhesreallygonnamissyouguys.(dubiouslook)Ross:Youhadaroughday,huh.cmere.(ShesitsdownandRossstrokesherforehead.)Chandler:.Thatsit.Imgettingcigarettes.All:Nonono!Chandler:(leaving)Idontcare,Idontcare!Gamesover!Imweak!Ivegottasmoke!Ivegottahavethesmoke!Phoebe:(shoutingasheleaves)IfyouneversmokeagainIllgiveyouseventhousanddollars!Chandler:(returns)Yeah,alright.