TED英语演讲：如何在说话时表现出你的专业性

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1、TED英语演讲：如何在说话时表现出你的专业性 演说题目：如何在说话时表现出你的专业性? 演说者：Adam Galinsky 演讲稿 Speaking up is hard to do. I understood the true meaning of this phrase e_actly one month ago, when my wife and I became new parents. It was an amazing moment. It was e_hilarating and elating, but it was also scary and terrifying. And

2、 it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital,and we were unsure whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. And we wanted to call our pediatrician, but we also didnt want to make a bad first impression or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent.

3、 So we worried. And we waited. When we got to the doctors office the ne_t day, she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. Our son is fine now, and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. But in that moment, I shouldve spoken up, but I didnt. But sometimes we sp

4、eak up when we shouldnt, and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, and for one of his first films, he got an offer from a distribution company. He was e_cited, and he was inclined to accept the offer. But as a negotiations resea

5、rcher, I insisted he make a counteroffer, and I helped him craft the perfect one.And it was perfect - it was perfectly insulting. The company was so offended, they literally withdrew the offer and my brother was left with nothing. And Ive asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speakin

6、g up: when they can assert themselves, when they can push their interests, when they can e_press an opinion, when they can make an ambitious ask. And the range of stories are varied and diverse, but they also make up a universal tapestry. Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? Can I confron

7、t my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? Can I challenge my friends insensitive joke? Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities? And through these e_periences, Ive come to recognize that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. Now, sometimes were too

8、strong; we push ourselves too much. Thats what happened with my brother. Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior.But sometimes were too weak. Thats what happened with my wife and I. And this range of acceptable behaviors - when we stay within our range, were rewarded. When

9、we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal. Now, the first thing we need to know is: What is my range? But the key thing is, our range isnt fi_ed;its actually pretty dynamic.

10、It e_pands and it narrows based on the conte_t. And theres one thing that determines that range more than anything else, and thats your power. Your power determines your range. What is power? Power comes in lots of forms. In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. So my brother had no al

11、ternatives; he lacked power. The company had lots of alternatives; they had power. Sometimes its being new to a country, like an immigrant, or new to an organization or new to an e_perience, like my wife and I as new parents. Sometimes its at work,where someones the boss and someones the subordinate

12、. Sometimes its in relationships, where one persons more invested than the other person. And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, our range is very wide. We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. But when we lack power, our range narrows. We have very little leeway. The problem is that

13、when our range narrows, that produces something called the low-power double bind.The low-power double bind happens when, if we dont speak up, we go unnoticed, but if we do speak up, we get punished. Now, many of you have heard the phrase the double bind and connected it with one thing, and thats gen

14、der. The gender double bind is women who dont speak up go unnoticed, and women who do speak up get punished. And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up,but they have barriers to doing so. But what my research has shown over the last two decades is that what looks like a ge

15、nder difference is not really a gender double bind, its a really a low-power double bind. And what looks like a gender difference are really often just power differences in disguise.Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman or men and women, and think, Biological cause. Theres somethi

16、ng fundamentally different about the se_es. But in study after study, Ive found that a better e_planation for many se_ differences is really power. And so its the low-power double bind. And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range, and we lack power. We have a narrow range, and ou

17、r double bind is very large. So we need to find ways to e_pand our range. And over the last couple decades, my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. When I feel powerful, I feel confid

18、ent, not fearful; I e_pand my own range. When other people see me as powerful, they grant me a wider range. So we need tools to e_pand our range of acceptable behavior. And Im going to give you a set of tools today. Speaking up is risky, but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up. The first

19、 tool Im going to give you got discovered in negotiations in an important finding. On average, women make less ambitious offers and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table. But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered theres one situation where women get the same outcome

20、s as men and are just as ambitious. Thats when they advocate for others.When they advocate for others, they discover their own range and e_pand it in their own mind. They become more assertive. This is sometimes called the mama bear effect. Like a mama bear defending her cubs, when we advocate for o

21、thers, we can discover our own voice. But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. How do we do that? One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves is something called perspective-taking. And perspective-taking is really simple: its simply looking at the world through the ey

22、es of another person. Its one of the most important tools we have to e_pand our range. When I take your perspective, and I think about what you really want, youre more likely to give me what I really want. But heres the problem: perspective-taking is hard to do. So lets do a little e_periment. I wan

23、t you all to hold your hand just like this: your finger - put it up. And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead as quickly as possible. OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways, and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking. Im going to show you

24、two pictures of someone with an E on their forehead - my former student, Erika Hall. And you can see over here,thats the correct E. I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person. Thats the perspective-taking E because it looks like an E from someone elses vantage point. But this E over here i

25、s the self-focused E. We often get self-focused. And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis. I want to tell you about a particular crisis. A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. And he says, Give me $2,000, or Im blowing the whole bank up with a bomb. Now, the bank manager didnt g

26、ive him the money. She took a step back. She took his perspective, and she noticed something really important. He asked for a specific amount of money. So she said, Why did you ask for $2,000? And he said, My friend is going to be evicted unless I get him $2,000 immediately. And she said, Oh! You do

27、nt want to rob the bank - you want to take out a loan. Why dont you come back to my office, and we can have you fill out the paperwork. Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation. So when we take someones perspective, it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likab

28、le. Heres another way to be assertive but still be likable, and that is to signal fle_ibility. Now, imagine youre a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. Youre going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options. Lets say option A: $24,000 for this car and a five-year warr

29、anty. Or option B: $23,000 and a three-year warranty. My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, it lowers their defenses, and theyre more likely to accept your offer. And this doesnt just work with salespeople; it works with parents. When my niece was four, she resisted get

30、ting dressed and rejected everything. But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. What if I gave my daughter a choice? This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. And it worked brilliantly. She got dressed quickly and without resistance. When Ive asked the qu

31、estion around the world when people feel comfortable speaking up, the number one answer is: When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies. So we want to get allies on our side. How do we do that? Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. When we advocate for others, we e_pand our rang

32、e in our own eyes and the eyes of others, but we also earn strong allies. Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, is by asking other people for advice.When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, and were e_pressing humility.And this really works to

33、solve another double bind. And thats the self-promotion double bind. The self-promotion double bind is that if we dont advertise our accomplishments, no one notices. And if we do, were not likable. But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments, we are able to be competent in their eyes b

34、ut also be likeable. And this is so powerful it even works when you see it coming. There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice. I want you to notice three things about this: First, I knew they were goi

35、ng to come ask me for advice. Two, Ive actually done research on the strategic benefits of asking for advice. And three, it still worked! I took their perspective, I became more invested in their cause, I became more committed to them because they asked for advice. Now, another time we feel more con

36、fident speaking up is when we have e_pertise. E_pertise gives us credibility. When we have high power, we already have credibility. We only need good evidence.When we lack power, we dont have the credibility. We need e_cellent evidence. And one of the ways we can come across as an e_pert is by tappi

37、ng into our passion. I want everyone in the ne_t few days to go up to friend of theirs and just say to them, I want you to describe a passion of yours to me. Ive had people do this all over the world and I asked them, What did you notice about the other person when they described their passion? And

38、the answers are always the same.Their eyes lit up and got big. They smiled a big beaming smile. They used their hands all over - I had to duck because their hands were coming at me. They talk quickly with a little higher pitch. They leaned in as if telling me a secret. And then I said to them, What

39、happened to you as you listened to their passion? They said, My eyes lit up. I smiled. I leaned in. When we tap into our passion, we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up, but we also get the permission from others to speak up. Tapping into our passion even works when we come acro

40、ss as too weak. Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears. But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion, the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women. I want to end with a few words from my late father that he spoke at my twin bro

41、thers wedding. Heres a picture of us. My dad was a psychologist like me, but his real love and his real passion was cinema,like my brother. And so he wrote a speech for my brothers wedding about the roles we play in the human comedy. And he said, The lighter your touch, the better you become at impr

42、oving and enriching your performance. Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance grow, change and e_pand the self. Play it well, and your days will be mostly joyful. What my dad was saying is that weve all been assigned ranges and roles in this world. But he was also saying

43、the essence of this talk: those roles and ranges are constantly e_panding and evolving. So when a scene calls for it, be a ferocious mama bear and a humble advice seeker. Have e_cellent evidence and strong allies. Be a passionate perspective taker. And if you use those tools - and each and every one

44、 of you can use these tools - you will e_pand your range of acceptable behavior, and your days will be mostly joyful. Thank you. 放大声音得说话并不简洁。 我直到整整一个月前，当我 与妻子初为父母的时候 才理解这个短语的真正用意。 那是一个奇妙的时刻。 那是一个令人兴奋 与感动的时刻， 但是那也是可怕的， 令人恐惧的时刻。 当我们刚从医院回到家的时候， 尤其令人恐惧 我们并不确定 我们刚诞生的宝宝是否 能从母乳中得到足够的养分。 我们想打 给我们的儿科医生， 但是我们

45、也不想给别人 留下不好的第一印象， 或者被当作是疯狂的， 神经质的父母。 所以我们很担忧。 但我们选择了等待。 当我们其次天早上 去见医生的时候， 她立即给宝宝开了配方， 由于他脱水很严峻。 我们的儿子如今已经好了， 我们的医生也让我们放心， 可以随时联络她。 但是在那个时刻， 我应当大声说出来的，我却没做到。 但是有时我们也会在不该说话的时候 放声大说， 我是在20_年多以前，当我让我的 双胞胎兄弟绝望的时候，学会的。 我的双胞胎兄弟 是一个纪录片摄影师， 在他的早期作品中， 有一部得到了分销公司的青睐。 他很感动， 也倾向于承受这份邀请。 但是作为一名会谈讨论员， 我坚持要求他回绝这份邀请

46、， 并关心他起草了一份完善的合同。 而那确实是完善的- 完善的污辱行为。 那家公司感到被冒犯了， 他们就真的撤回了他们的邀请， 然后我兄弟就一无全部了。 我问过来自世界各地的人， 关于大声说的两难问题： 当他们可以断言的时候， 当他们可以推动自身利益的时候， 当他们可以表达观点的时候， 当他们提出一个有理想的要求的时候。 我听过大量的，各不一样的故事， 但他们却共同编织了同一幅绣帷。 我能在老板们犯错时 订正他们的错误吗? 我能与老是踩到 我脚趾的同事对质吗? 我能质疑伴侣讲的 不合时宜的笑话吗? 我能告诉我最爱的人 我内心深处的担忧全感吗? 通过这些经受，我开头认识到 我们每个人都是有一个

47、可承受行为范围的。 有些时候，我们太强势了： 我们给自己负压太大。 那就是发生在我兄弟身上的大事所说明的。 甚至提出一个建议，都是在他 可承受行为范围之外的了 但是有时，我们又太脆弱了。 就是我和我妻子所表现出来的。 而这个可承受行为范围- 当我们呆在范围内的时候， 我们就会被嘉奖。 当我们跨出范围圈的时候， 我们就会受到不同形式的惩罚。 我们被开除或贬低，甚至被排挤。 我们失去加薪或晋升，或是一笔交易。 如今，我们需要明白的第一件事就是： 我的域是什么? 但关键问题是，我们的 可承受范围并不固定;它事实上是高度动态的。 它会随详细语境而放大或缩小。 有一样东西在可承受范围大小 这件事上起决定

48、性作用， 那就是你的实力。 你的实力决定了你的可承受范围域。 实力是指什么? 实力是以各种形式呈现的。 在会谈中，实力以 其他解决方案的形式呈现。 而我的兄弟没有其他选择; 他的实力不够。 公司就有许多的备用选择; 他们的实力很强。 有时是新到一个国家， 例如移民， 或是新参加一个组织，或是对什么事情没有阅历， 就像我和我妻子初为人父母。 有的时候是在工作上， 有人是老板， 而另一些人是下属。 有时是在情感上， 一个人比另一个人投入更多重点是，当我们有强大的实力时， 我们的可承受范围 就会变得特别广。 我们的行动就有了很大的余地。 但是当我们实力缺乏时， 我们的域就会缩小。 我们行动就变得局限

49、。 问题是当我们的 可承受范围缩小的时候， 就会进入一种弱势两难的境况。 当我们陷入弱势两难的境况时， 我们不为自己说话，就会被无视， 当我们说出来的时候，又会被惩罚。 你们中的许多人都听过 双重约束这个短语， 并把它和另一样事物挂钩， 就是性别。 性别两难就是指当女性不发声， 就会被无视， 但女性为自己说话， 又会被惩罚的状况。 关键是，女性有着 与男性同样的为自己说话的需求 但她们这样做会遇到更多的障碍。 但是我在过去二十年里的讨论中觉察， 这个看似是性别差异，其实并不是真正的性别两难困境， 其实是弱势两难的问题。 那些外表上看似是性别差异 其本质只是实力差异假装成的样子。 许多时候，当我

50、们看到一位男性和一位女性之间的差距时， 或者男性与女性之间， 我们就会想，生理因素。 两性在本质上就是不同的。 但是在一个又一个的讨论当中， 我找到了一个能更好说明 许多案例中性别差距的缘由 那就是实力。 所以把它称作弱势两难困境。 处于弱势两难就意味着 我们的可承受范围很窄 我们实力缺乏。 我们的可承受范围越窄， 我们的弱势两难就越明显。 所以我们必需找到方法， 扩大我们的可承受范围。 在过去的几十年中， 我和我的同事找到了 两个重要的影响因素 第一点：你在自己眼中是实力者。 其次点：你在别人眼中是实力者。 当感到自己实力强大， 就会很自信，不会可怕; 就能扩大自己的域。 当别人把自己看作实

51、力强大的人时， 他们就赐予了我更广的可承受范围。 所以我们需要工具去扩大 我们的可承受行为范围。 我今日就要给你们一套工具。 大声说是有风险的一件事， 但是这些工具会降低大声说的风险。 我要给你们的第一个工具 是在协商领域被觉察的， 是很重要的一个觉察。 平均来看，女性在会谈桌上， 相比男性， 更少的提出有野心的条件， 并获得更差的结果。 但是汉娜赖利鲍里斯 和艾米丽阿曼图拉觉察 在有一种状况下，女性 和男性是同等的野心勃勃 也能得到同等的结果。 那就是当她们在为别人说话的时候。 当她们在为别人说话时， 她们就会觉察自己的 可承受范围并在脑海中扩大它。 她们变得更加自信。 这就是我们常常说的熊

52、妈妈效应。 就像熊妈妈在维护自己的熊宝宝， 当我们为别人声张的时候， 我们就能开掘自己的声音。 但是有些时候， 我们必需为自己放声说。 我们应当怎么做呢? 为自己讲话需要的 最重要的工具就是 一种叫做换位思索的东西。 换位思索其实很简洁： 就仅仅是通过另一个人的 眼睛看世界而已。 这是我们扩大自身可承受范围 的最重要的工具。 当我站在你的立场， 去想你真正想要什么的时候， 你就更有可能给我，我真正想要的。 但是这有一个问题： 换位思索是一件很难的事情。 让我们做一点儿试验。 我盼望你们全部人都像这样， 把手举起来， 把手指竖起来， 我盼望你们在自己的额头上写一个大写的E 越快越好。 好吧，结果

53、说明我们 有两种不同的书写方法， 这就是本来用来测试 换位思索的试验。 我要给你们展现两张人们在额头上写着E的图片- 这是我以前的同学，艾丽卡赫尓。 你们在这里看到的， 是正确的E。 我这样画E，所以其别人 就能把它认成E。 这就是换位思索的E，由于它是别人眼中的E。 但是这边的E那么是自我中心的E。 我们时常会以自我为中心。 格外是在危机状况下更简单。 我盼望和你们谈谈 一次格外的危机。 一个男人走进一家位于加利福尼亚州， 沃森维尔市的银行。 他说，给我20_美金， 要不我就炸了整个银行。 而银行经理没有给他钱。 她退了一步。 她尝试站在他的角度， 她留意到了一件很重要的事情。 他要求的是详

54、细数额的钱。 所以她说， 为什么你需要20_美金? 男人说，假设不能立即拿到20_美金， 我的伴侣就要被驱除出境了。 然后经理说， 哦，那你不是要抢银行- 你是需要贷款。 为什么不跟我回到办公室， 我们就可以让你填好需要的文件。 她的快速换位思索的 力量解除了一个危机形势。 当我们可以从别人的角度看问题时， 我们就会变得有理想， 自信，但同时招人喜欢。 还有另一种能让我们既自信， 又能招人喜欢的方法， 那就是呈现敏捷性。 如今，想象自己是一名汽车销售员， 你要卖给别人一辆车。 假设你能给他们两种选择， 你更简单卖出车。 比方选项A： 两万四美金购车，五年免修。 或是选项B： 两万三美金购车，三

55、年免修。 我的讨论显示了，当你 给人们一些选择的余地时， 他们会降低自我防范意识， 他们更简单承受你的邀请。 这不仅仅只在销售人员这里有用; 它在父母这里也有用。 当我的侄女四岁的时候， 她回绝穿衣服，回绝一切。 但是后来嫂子想出了 一个绝妙的方法。 假设我给我的女儿一种选择呢? 这件衣服或是那件?好吧，那件。 这条裤子还是那条?好吧，那条。 问题被出色的解决了。 她很快穿好了衣服， 没有任何抵抗。 当我在世界各地问这个问题， 什么时候人们可以 舒适地大声说出想法， 排名第一的答复是： 当我能在观众中得到支持; 当我有队友的时候。 所以我们盼望有盟友支持自己。 我们要如何做到这一点? 好吧，一

56、种方式是做一只熊妈妈。 当我们为别人发声的时候， 我们就扩大了我们自己的范围， 也扩大了别人眼中的我们， 我们同时也得到了强有力的盟友。 另一种得到盟友的方式， 格外是身居高位的时候， 就是寻求别人的建议。 当我们向别人寻求建议时，他们 就会由于我们重视他们而喜欢我们 由于我们表现出了谦恭。 这可以关心我们解决 另外一个两难的场面。 那就是自我推销两难的状况。 自我推销两难 就是假设我们不宣扬我们的成就， 就没人会留意。假设我们宣扬，我们就不讨喜。 但是假设我们就 自己的成就征求意见， 在别人眼中，我们就会 变得能干且讨人喜欢。 这真的很有用，甚至当你已经看穿这个策略时仍旧有用我人生中有许屡次

57、，我已经预先被人提示过 有些实力缺乏的人 被建议来找我询问 我盼望你们在此留意三点： 第一，我知道他们要来找我询问建议。 其次，我也讨论过的征求意见的战略性好处。 第三，这仍旧管用! 我站在他们的角度， 我在他们的诉求上花费更多的时间， 我更加关注他们，由于他们向我寻求了关心。 另一种状况下， 我们也会有自信大声说， 那就是当我们把握了专业学问。 专业学问带给我们可信度。当我们实力强大的时候， 我们就已经拥有了可信度。 我们只需要好的证据。 而我们实力缺乏的时候， 我们就没有可信度。 我们就需要极佳的证据。 一种关心我们被认作为专家的方式 就是开掘我们的热忱。 我盼望每个人都能在将来的 几天当

58、中，去见各自的伴侣 和他们说， 我盼望你可以和我分享一件你抱有热忱的事。 我在世界各地让人们做这件事， 然后我询问他们， 当伴侣们向你们描绘他们的热忱时 你留意到了什么? 答案永久是一样的。他们的眼睛变大了，变亮了。 他们笑的很绚烂。 他们用手不断的比划着- 我必需要躲闪，由于 他们的手都伸向了我。 他们更快速的，用更高频的腔调说话。 他们倾向我，似乎要跟 我讲什么隐秘一样。 然后，我就和他们说， 你们听他们讲解并描绘的时候， 你是什么样的反响呢? 他们说，我的眼睛变亮了。 我笑了。 我也倾向了他们。 当我们开掘自己的热忱时， 我们通过自己的眼睛， 赐予了自己大声说的士气， 但是我们也得到了别

59、人的准许。 开掘我们的热忱，即使在 我们脆弱的时候也会起作用。 无论是男性还是女性， 工作时流泪都会受到惩罚。 但是莉齐沃尔夫觉察 当我们将剧烈的感情处理为激情的时候， 无论男性还是女性， 就都不会因落泪而受到责备。 我盼望引用我已故的 父亲的话来完毕演讲 这是他在我的 双胞胎兄弟的婚礼上说的。 这是我们的合影。我的父亲和我一样，都是心理学家， 但是他真正热爱的，真正的热忱在于电影， 就像我的兄弟一样。所以，他就在我兄弟的 婚礼上发表了一个演讲 是关于我们在人类喜剧中 所扮演的角色的。 然后他说，你的触感越细腻， 你越能更好地进步 和丰富你的表演力量 那些带入角色当中， 努力进步演技的人， 成长，转变，扩张自我。 好好演，你们的生活就会很欢乐的。 我父亲的意思是， 我们在这个世界上都有 各自的可理解范围和角色。 但他也讲出了这次演讲的精华：这些角色和范围是在 不断扩大和进化的。 当情景需要的时候， 变成一只凶狠的熊妈妈， 或是一个谦恭的询问者。 拥有极佳的证据和强大的盟友。 成为一个热忱的换位思索者。 假设你可以运用这些工具-这些是在座的每一位 都可以用法的工具- 你们就能扩大你们的 可承受行为范围， 你们的生活就会很欢乐的。 感谢。