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1、作文：作文：下面是下面是Han Mei的日常活动时间表，根据表格中提供的日常活动时间表，根据表格中提供的信息，完成的信息，完成Han Mei写给她的美国朋友写给她的美国朋友Lily的信，的信，不少于不少于80个词。个词。6:00get up6:45-7:50learn by oneself8:05-11:45have classes11:45-12:30lunch13:20-17:00have classes18:00-19:00supper19:00-23:00homework关于初稿评改关于初稿评改体裁体裁内容内容人称人称时态时态修改建议修改建议1：请从请从审题基本要素审题基本要素方面检方
2、面检查你的文章是否符合题意！查你的文章是否符合题意！Dear Jane,Its Tuesday,November 11.Im really busy!At 8:00 I have math.I dont like math.Then at 9:00 I have science.Its difficult,but interesting.Next,at 10:00,I have art.Its boring,but at 11:00 I have P.E.Thats my favorite subject!I eat lunch at 12:00.after lunch,I have musi
3、c.Music is relaxing.I like my music teacher,Mr Cooper.Hes fun.My last class is at 2:00.After class I have volleyball for two hours.Our teacher is very strict and Im usually very tired after class.Then I have Chinese history club.I t s r e a l l y i n t e r e s t i n g!Love,Lin Mei请你谈谈此文章哪些方面值得我们学习！请
4、你谈谈此文章哪些方面值得我们学习！nextthenAfter 修改建议修改建议2：请在你的文章中用上这些表请在你的文章中用上这些表示时间顺序的词，使你的文示时间顺序的词，使你的文章更加有整体感！章更加有整体感！Words or phrases for orderfirstlaterAt lastIn the endAt 8:00 I have math.修改建议修改建议3：请查看你的文章中这些基础请查看你的文章中这些基础表达是否正确！表达是否正确！如何表达：如何表达：6:457:50 learn by oneself?I learn by myself from 6:45 to 7:50.6:
5、00Get up6:45-7:50Learn by oneself8:05-11:45Have classes11:45-12:30Lunch13:20-17:00Have classes18:00-19:00Supper19:00-23:00homeworkIs it a good choice for us to use“fromto”for 6 times in an article?Expressions instead of“Fromto（时间）（时间）”starts atand ends atlasts forThere are hours for us to do sth.unt
6、il修改建议修改建议4：请你在仔细琢磨的基础上请你在仔细琢磨的基础上,选择更多的表达来代替选择更多的表达来代替fromto来实现句式多来实现句式多样化。样化。8:05-11:45Have classes教师建议：教师建议：图表类作文，须分析图表，归纳主题。图表类作文，须分析图表，归纳主题。6:00Get up6:45-7:50Learn by oneself8:05-11:45Have classes11:45-12:30Lunch13:20-17:00Have classes18:00-19:00Supper19:00-23:00homeworkDear Jane,Its Tuesday,N
7、ovember 11.Im really busy!At 8:00 I have math.I dont like math.Then at 9:00 I have science.Its difficult,but interesting.Next,at 10:00,I have art.Its boring,but at 11:00 I have P.E.Thats my favorite subject!I eat lunch at 12:00.after lunch,I have music.Music is relaxing.I like my music teacher,Mr Co
8、oper.Hes fun.My last class is at 2:00.After class I have volleyball for two hours.Our teacher is very strict and Im usually very tired after class.Then I have Chinese history club.I t s r e a l l y i n t e r e s t i n g!Love,Lin Mei你觉得它是一篇难得的佳作吗？为什么？你觉得它是一篇难得的佳作吗？为什么？思考：我们应该通过哪些手段为我们的中心思考：我们应该通过哪些手段
9、为我们的中心”busy day”服务呢？服务呢？6:00Get up6:45-7:50Learn by oneself8:05-11:45Have classes11:45-12:30 Lunch13:20-17:00 Have classes18:00-19:00 Supper19:00-23:00 homework1.After lunch,I have a rest.2.After lunch,I have a very short rest which lasts for only 50 minutes.修改建议修改建议5：增加一些能突显中增加一些能突显中心的词或句子，加心的词或句子，加个比喻句也是个不个比喻句也是个不错的选择。错的选择。教师建议：教师建议：A beautiful article usually looks like a delicious hamburger。修改建议修改建议6：请使用总起句和总结句使文章请使用总起句和总结句使文章首尾呼应。首尾呼应。提示：总结应该是总起的另一提示：总结应该是总起的另一种表达方式。种表达方式。要求：要求：4人一组，结合本节课老师的修改建议，在人一组，结合本节课老师的修改建议，在语法和内容的角度上进行互改、互学，并推荐小语法和内容的角度上进行互改、互学，并推荐小组佳作供班级共赏。组佳作供班级共赏。
天水讲座五初稿评改课案例分析
